HISTORICAL NOTE: †† ( For those of you who missed the first episode:††Three weeks ago, I cooked up some pea/barley/and cauliflower soup to tide my children through a long cold week.The recipe called for the lentils to be fried up with flour and a bit of brown sugar.I put in way too much sugar.It came out really disgusting and totally inedible.So I did the obvious thing:I appealed for help to everybody in my address book, including ETNI community of English teachers. . .)

 

Never have I received such strong and numerous responses to anything I have printed.Friends and family members who I hardly know anymore, including a few who I thought were dead, all wrote to tell me how I can unsweeten my soup, not have to spill it out, and thus strike a blow for Ba'al Tash-hit.*

 

The most popular suggestion was†† LEMON with 12 votes.Lemon is actually tied with salt, for 12; but more people recommended Lemon together with another ingredient, so I declare it the winner.††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

 

Then came tomato, whether in juice, whole, peeled or just plain catsup.

Garlic, curry, and the recycle binneck and neckwith about three apiece.

 

Next -- Alcohol, in its various forms:Put in a spoonful of white wine.Put in two spoonfuls of vodka.Putin addressing the Kremlin.Drink a cup of vodka and the hell with the soup.

Throw in a raw potato.

Throw in a raw sweet potato.

Throw in a raw egg.

Throw in the towel.

††††††††††† Milk.

††††††††††† Avocado.

††††††††††† Pepper.

††††††††††† Viagra.(sta-a-a-a-a-a-a-m-m-m!)

Divide it up into two batches and then dilute it; This is the sorcererís apprentice approach which, as I know from past experience, leaves you with twice as much cruddy soup to deal with.

Here are some even more creative efforts, scraped, as it were off the bottom of the pot:

Trybeets, plus Tomato, plus cabbage and plus lemon, and then throw it all away.

Give it to the poor.

Take a funnel and pour it into that little slot in your computer to clean out all the viruses.It really works!

Excuse me.The above is a malicious instruction and was maliciously moved from Sundayís piece about the virus hoaxes, by another malicious instruction.

Puree it, let it stand for 6 weeks and use it as ink for theHP 840 printer

Start a soup kitchen.

Stick it where the sun donít shine.[ how am I supposed to get it to Fairbanks? The Alaska pipeline?]

Feed to dog, preferably the dog that bit you.

Let one of your kids hand it in as a project for the New Bagrut.

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Now, what I did was, I triedEVERYTHING! .Lemon, potato, salt, you name it.†† If a rabbi had come by and told me to put in a goat, I would have put in the goatThree days later, the flavourwas just phenomenal.In fact, I carted some to Oranim College and shared it with two classmates in a course on Feuersteinís philosophy.They are willing to testify to the awesome final product.

Of course, Feuerstein teaches us that the process is more important.And, you know, I think he had something.

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* Baíal Tash-hit is, for anybody with a good Jewish day school education, is the Divine injunction against wasting food.Whereas mymother took this to extremes Ėemptying out her house last Thursday, I came†† across a Tupperware container of mock chopped liver kugel from 1983 -- Jews today too often neglect this vital precept.Itís hard enough these days to stop people from wasting other people.

 

 

 

By Barry Silverberg and Ehud Marrak,Feb 23, 2004