A Quick Look At the News, FEB 1 – 14: (A Skinning and Scamming Activity)
By Barry V Silverberg Grammatical Advisor: Dick Duck
I know I haven’t seen much of you lately except for that business with last week’s soup (it worked out great, finally). But today no one could ignore such an earthshaking event . . . as today’s . . . earthshaking event. The bowels of the earth moved under my feet and it’s a good thing I didn’t step in it.
I hope this news magazine becomes a regular feature (unlike your nose!!/ signed Barry’s wife), and that David L sticks it up in the column where it can be savored./ signed, BVS and DD.
Feb 11th : Kiriat Shmona: Angry protesters stormed through the town in protest of Kiriat Shmona’s disappointing performance on the Richter Scale in today’s national earthquake. Town hall spokespersons Caroline Oomglick and Daffna ‘Daf’ Q O T Shuv attacked the Ashkenazi establishment, claiming that “ Re instituting the Richter scale sounds the death blow to entire low lying populations.”
Commenting on Finance Minister Netanyahoo, who jibed that local authorities must stop granting ‘jobbim’ to their friends, the two spokespersons snapped: “We’re no friends of the mayor. We’re his sisters!”
And as for Ofakim? Dofakim!
Feb 6th Music and sports fans alike gasped in disgust during the musical superbowl interlude, when Justin Timberlake ripped open the shirt of singer Janet Jackson and brother Michael’s nose flew out. . .
Feb 4th : Havvat Ha Shikmim: Responding to Allegations of Accepting Bribes, PM Arik Sharon said, "No man buys an island, entire of itself; every son gets a piece of the action, each man's debt diminishes me though you can hardly notice, because I am involved. . . up to my neck. . . in a godawful mess; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for me, so let it ring and don’t pick it up." (Arik Sharon, Meditations upon Decrepit Occasions; Look what they’ve sung to my Donne)
P S An Appel a day isn’t going to keep these lawyers away.
Feb 2nd The annual tradition known as Groundhog Day
groundhogged to a standstill as groundhogs around the country joined the picket lines of municipal workers. Instead of scampering across the meadow, seeing their shadow on the snow in the crisp winter sun, and returning to their burrow for six more weeks, the groundhogs burned tires and blocked intersections as part of the nation wide protests.
Irgun Ha-Hazirim Ha-Artsiim say the strike may continue.
Barry Silverberg, Kiriat Shmona,
Feb 11, 2004