A
Quick Look At the News,
FEB 1 – 14: (A Skinning and Scamming Activity)
By Barry V Silverberg Grammatical Advisor: Dick Duck
Dear Readers,
I know I haven’t seen much
of you lately except for that business with last week’s soup (it worked out
great, finally). But today no one could
ignore such an
earthshaking event . . . as today’s . . . earthshaking event. The bowels of the earth moved under my feet
and it’s a good thing I didn’t step in it.
I hope this news
magazine becomes a regular feature (unlike your nose!!/ signed Barry’s wife), and that
David L sticks it up in the column where it can be savored./ signed, BVS and
DD.
Feb
11th :
Kiriat Shmona: Angry protesters
stormed through
the town in protest of Kiriat Shmona’s disappointing performance on the Richter
Scale in today’s national earthquake.
Town hall spokespersons Caroline Oomglick and Daffna ‘Daf’ Q O T Shuv
attacked the Ashkenazi establishment, claiming that “ Re
instituting the Richter scale sounds the death blow to entire low lying populations.”
Commenting on Finance Minister Netanyahoo, who jibed that local authorities must stop granting ‘jobbim’ to their friends, the two spokespersons snapped: “We’re no friends of the mayor. We’re his sisters!”
And as for Ofakim? Dofakim!
Feb 6th Music and sports fans alike gasped in disgust during the musical superbowl interlude, when Justin Timberlake ripped open the shirt of singer Janet Jackson and brother Michael’s nose flew out. . .
Feb 4th : Havvat
Ha Shikmim: Responding to Allegations of Accepting Bribes, PM Arik Sharon said,
"No man buys an island, entire of itself; every son gets a piece of
the action, each man's debt diminishes
me though you can hardly notice, because I am involved. . . up to my neck. . .
in a godawful mess; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
it tolls for me, so let it ring and don’t pick it up." (Arik
Sharon, Meditations upon Decrepit Occasions; Look what they’ve sung to my Donne)
P S An Appel a day isn’t going to keep these lawyers away.
Feb 2nd The annual tradition known as Groundhog Day
groundhogged
to a standstill as groundhogs around the country joined
the picket lines of municipal workers.
Instead of scampering across the meadow, seeing their shadow on the snow
in the crisp winter sun, and returning to their burrow for six more weeks, the
groundhogs burned tires and blocked intersections as part of the nation wide
protests.
Irgun Ha-Hazirim Ha-Artsiim say the strike may continue.
Barry
Silverberg, Kiriat Shmona,