A Quick Look At the News, FEB 1 14: (A Skinning and Scamming Activity)

 

By Barry V Silverberg Grammatical Advisor: Dick Duck

 

Dear Readers,

I know I havent seen much of you lately except for that business with last weeks soup (it worked out great, finally). But today no one could ignore such an earthshaking event . . . as todays . . . earthshaking event. The bowels of the earth moved under my feet and its a good thing I didnt step in it.

I hope this news magazine becomes a regular feature (unlike your nose!!/ signed Barrys wife), and that David L sticks it up in the column where it can be savored./ signed, BVS and DD.

 

Feb 11th : Kiriat Shmona: Angry protesters stormed through the town in protest of Kiriat Shmonas disappointing performance on the Richter Scale in todays national earthquake. Town hall spokespersons Caroline Oomglick and Daffna Daf Q O T Shuv attacked the Ashkenazi establishment, claiming that Re instituting the Richter scale sounds the death blow to entire low lying populations.

Commenting on Finance Minister Netanyahoo, who jibed that local authorities must stop granting jobbim to their friends, the two spokespersons snapped: Were no friends of the mayor. Were his sisters!

And as for Ofakim? Dofakim!

 

Feb 6th Music and sports fans alike gasped in disgust during the musical superbowl interlude, when Justin Timberlake ripped open the shirt of singer Janet Jackson and brother Michaels nose flew out. . .

 

 :  Feb 4th : Havvat Ha Shikmim: Responding to Allegations of Accepting Bribes, PM Arik Sharon said, "No man buys an island, entire of itself; every son gets a piece of the action, each man's debt diminishes me though you can hardly notice, because I am involved. . . up to my neck. . . in a godawful mess; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for me, so let it ring and dont pick it up." (Arik Sharon, Meditations upon Decrepit Occasions; Look what theyve sung to my Donne)

P S An Appel a day isnt going to keep these lawyers away.

 

Feb 2nd The annual tradition known as Groundhog Day

 :  groundhogged to a standstill as groundhogs around the country joined the picket lines of municipal workers. Instead of scampering across the meadow, seeing their shadow on the snow in the crisp winter sun, and returning to their burrow for six more weeks, the groundhogs burned tires and blocked intersections as part of the nation wide protests.

Irgun Ha-Hazirim Ha-Artsiim say the strike may continue.

Barry Silverberg, Kiriat Shmona, Feb 11, 2004