COLUMN ME ANYTIME: BARRY’S WEEKLY MESS
-AGE TO ETNI
MAY 3, 2003
As the end of the year approaches, bringing with it final exams, meetings teacher and parents, and other tribulations, I nobly decided to write you a few words every week rather than have you wait for the next article which I may not have time to write till after June 20, or maybe never.
GREAT NEWS FOR THE FORGETFUL!
NOW THAT SCIENTISTS HAVE SUCCEEDED integrating a mouse brain within the cybernetic system of a robot, the race is on to implant mouse brains into human nervous systems. This would enable people with serious memory deficiencies, such as Altzheimer victims and just plain folks like me to have access to a memory bank of young, vital, functioning nerve cells. Early experiments show a dramatic improvement in the ability to remember details over both short and long time periods, so long as they involve cheese or cats.
STEM CELLS FOUND IN BABY TEETH!
My wife found this one in Friday’s Maariv, because it’s late at night and neither of us want to do our work: Researchers have discovered the existence of stem cells, so essential for bone marrow regenerations and other state of the art medical stuff -- in baby teeth! You don’t even have to wrestle the baby down to extract its teeth—just wait for them to fall out naturally, the teeth that is, they are still viable as a natural source of stem cells. So all of you folk out there, who don’t believe in the tooth fairy, think again! She’s due for a bigger comeback than Sher.
MADDONA BOON FOR THE ORAL BAGRUT
Those of you who teach Yud Bet and still have the ordeal of the oral bagrut ahead of you, put on your radio. Madonna has just released a new song to teach Y/N questions, the refrain of which goes like this: (underlining mine)
Do I have to change my name
Will it get me far
Should I lose some weight?
Am. . . I going to be a star
THE REAL SADDAM:
Those of you who follow my column probably read one about Saddam and his doubles which made use of the old game show cliche, ‘Will the real Saddam please stand up!’ So take a look at this audiovisual presentation sent to me by a lurker, who has never written to me before [except once to say, “ If you hire that guy in your school I’m gonna come over and wring his _______ (word used a lot on MTV)ing neck!!!, but that’s a story for another day.]
HAVE A GOOD WEEK. HAPPY YOM HA-ATSMAOOT!