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RABBOTAI, MIR VELLEN BENCHMARKS!
/ Access to the Lighter side of the New Bagrut Controversy

THIS REALLY HAPPENED: LAST week, I received this weird message; the secretary said it was from the Irgun, and, as much as she could make out, they wanted me to participate confrontation with some kind of British Mandatory Authority. Whew! Was I scared! I mean, let's do the time warp! When I finally got through, it turned out it was merely the IrGun Morim, and their target was the Pikuach Ha- Angli, not Britti, i.e. the English Inspectorate. So why daffka me? Well, they heard from somebody that I was organizing a team of tall teachers to 'slam dunk' the NBA - the New Bagrut, that is.

I explained to the Irgun people that my article was written as a satiric piece. And I was willing to come to Tel Aviv and read it at the meeting, thereby adding some sorely needed spicing- up, so long as they coughed up the plane fare, and they were nonplussed. Not that they had been so plussed before.

I'm willing to bet that today, the Irgun was even less plussed and probably way into the minused. Because, hanging from the wall in OUR teachers' room today was a letter from the Histadrut Morim. Couched in language strong enough to make Musical Mincedmeat out of the Irgun's letter, the Histadrut lashed out at policies that confuse teachers and add unpaid working hours. By tonite, the Histadrut will have begun the deployment of Ground to Ground Verbal missiles along at least three of the ministry's domains.

With all the letters and accusations that are flying back and forth, everybody seems to be missing the point. The real issue about the New BaGrass is the huge sum of money involved. A whole lot of highly paid experts sat around and cooked this up. All those brochures and bulletins and guides; the paper, the ink, mailing costs, let alone the endless hours of research and planning. This was not done as volunteer project work; these people drew salaries. Moreover, as the official line is redrawn and redrawn again in response to protest from the field, costs will soar. Where's the money going to come from at a time of world recession and national brouhaha? My wife is so incensed at the waste of taxpayers' money that she has taken time off from grading my performance tasks and is lobbying to have the ministry tried by an international court.

I have a suggestion, and it's a suggestion that comes to me from the world of Basketball, possibly even prompted by that horrid acronym which I swore never to use: N B A -- and the idea is sponsoring. Here in Kiriat Shmona we have the Galil Haelyon Celcom Team; How about the New Zoglobek Tofu Schnitzel Bagrut? The New Bagrut Always Aldays Assessment ? No, no, I've got it: The New Bagel Bagel Bagrut!

I'd like to top off the evening's programme with a few New Bagrut Assessment Jokes. Please feel free to add your own contributions. Just wrap each punchline in a 200 shekel bill for processing, and if they are good I'll publish them as my own . P.S. : I tip my Kipa to Meryl Davidi for her 'Dayenu' song and we'll be singing it at our staff meeting tomorrow.

1

  • Q - Why has former President Clinton come out so strongly in favour of the New Bagrut?
  • A - Because he thought they said "Nude Bagrut."

2

  • Q - Why did the chicken cross the road?
  • A - To access information on the other side.

3

  • Q - What's the New Curriculum like in the the Palestinian Authority?
  • A - I'ts a lot like ours, except in the domain of "Axes to Information" they wield real Axes.

4 (Your Joke Here       * )      (Your Cash Here     __________)

/ Barry Silverberg /Kiriat Shmona/ March 03 2003


Back to Northern Explosure, humor by Barry Z Silverberg

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