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FOR YOUR SUMMER'S READING

Gather round the screen, and get ready for the long awaited

SILVERBERG FAMILY UPDATE
 

Where to start?

This is not a political spoof, a song parody or an attempt at wit.
But for four months, I cranked out about 20 items, posted them on the ETNI column or elsewhere and I'm not ashamed of it.
And judging by the response I got and continued to get, I built up a readership of sorts.
Including one incensed reader who complained to the inspectorate that encouraging pupils to E-mail Naserella was not on her list of intra-mural sports.
And even only yesterday, 10 weeks after my Muse had run dry,
I called up a Racaz to check up on an applicant teacher and she told me that she really enjoys reading the Explosure, and couldn't she have said something at the time?,  well, she just had no REPLY.
As for me, I'm not going to say that the last three months have been hard,
But they did include finishing the school year under fire, starting a new ABC course, 7 puppies, 4 kittens, planning and supervising  a construction project that involved a 115 cubic meter hole opening up in our yard.
Something had to give, and it was the writing -- or this household was about to crash,
And I recall what it was like as I start to Reply to an old letter and end up aping Ogden Nash.
And even now, on this torrid Saturday night at this very moment,
As soon as I sit down to the keyboard, the following people become my enemy and my anger starts to foment:
Elisheva has just decided to join a tiyul tomorrow so she needs money and a walkman and she can't put the batteries in or find a set of headphones without broken wires
Naama is baking cookies, which is most impressive but to turn the oven on in our house you need a strong wrist and a pair of pliers.
.The ten year old has another ten year old over, and the two of them can spend the whole evening bumping into each other , spilling food and sneaking back to watch a Van Damn movie that's entirely unsuitable,
While the youngest just decided that 11:30 at night is the perfect time to wake up and eat, and let's see you try arguing with a force so immutable.
My wife is frantically trying to make a deadline, saying, I took them for the months you were trying to write, now you take them off  MY hands .
And as soon as I manage to string more than five words together, I am beset by another volley of cranky , unreasonable demands.
The back of my head is burning and it radiates to my sacrum,
And every few minutes the kewboard goes nuts and only PRINTS CAPITALS and >>>>>. arrows and also skips lttrs and when I bang on it doesn't give a crum
Which brings on a wave of nostalgia for the winter days when I spent every spare minute editing my Northern Explosure,
Not like now, when I don't even have time
For a proper closure.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

WHILE CLEANING out my Augean inbox, I FOUND the folowing letter, dated May 8.:
 

mckopels@yahoo.com wrote:

ETNI - http://www.etni.org.il
******************************
Dear All,
       Another Oral Bagrut question: Is there anyone else out there who has still not received their "ctav
minui"?  I have tried telephones, faxes & e-mail. It's like I don't exsist in the Bd. of Ed. universe. Any
suggesstions would be appreciated.
                                             Best,
                                              Ariella Kopels

********************************


well, dear Ariella, It is now July 1, and I feeel that I must write back and tell you that . . . :

            I never got my Ctav Minui.

            I feel Ne-elav and MOST BAZZUI

        Compounded with profound ennui

        THIS WHOLE MATSAV IS NOT SHA_FOOEE

           Judy, What is the sicui

            That,     BLEE aYN  HARRA,    tifui tifui

            Next fall, I'll see my Ktav Minui?

            (Till then, I'll go sip on drambui and dance all night to Louie Louie.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Barry Silverberg,
A large hole in the ground,
But they should be pouring the ceiling by Tuesday, so come up!
Kiriat Shmona

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