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Barry Silverberg, royal correspondent.

GREAT SITE FOR TOURISTS:

 TIPS AND PITS, DO’S AND DONT’S

ADVICE FOR THE  OVER  WARY AND THE UNDER WARY

YOUR TOURISM QUESTIONS ANSWERED

ABOUT THE GALLEEL PANHANDLE

(Formerly “finger” )

 

                                               

By  Barry Silverberg,  Royal tourism correspondent, Kiriat Shmona

 

Dear Great Site,

 

          Last week my family and I stopped to picnic in your lovely city park.  We couldn't help noticing a row of three large metal enclosures not far from the playground and the toy Katyusha launcher.  We were really curious about what they could be.  It took almost an hour to get Peezmon’s head out from between the bars.  She is almost back to her usual shape, baruch Hashen, but she still bursts into teats anytime she sees an artichoke.

                                       Shane and Lima Beena

                                       Kreenat Krenitsi

 

 

 Dear Shane,

 

 Many tourists as well as local losers have passed through the lawn adjacent to “Zahav City Park, ” more popularly called “ The Jungle Park,”  and have wondered about these three metal cubical grids.  They seem to have been lying their for years, untouched by time.  Sorry about your little girl, by the way. May I suggest a few sessions  of treatment at the Artichoke Stress Prevention Centre the next time you are in our area?

As for your query, the prevailing theory among experts is that these are huge antediluvian cages.  In its early days, Kiriat Shmona seems to have been inhabited by a race of immense  hamsters..  The Arabs name for the town is Halsa, and when you drop the ‘L’ you can see why.

This would explain why even today, hundreds of thousands of weeks later, local creatures often find themselves overcome by a compulsion to run round and round in circles,  to dig burrows deep underground, and to emit high piercing shrieks whenever a predator, such as a camera crew or any representative of the Tax Department approaches their territory.  The entire  area is often littered with droppings, in addition to the “L” in the third sentence back.  In fact, some of the most recent droppings have your name all over them.    Next time, Mac, please try to use the large plastic bags provided in the picnic grounds.

 

            This is not the only explanation, however.  Local adherents to the Ex- mayor, Mr. Propser Azran, claim that these structures were in fact erected to commemorate the hard times of the first settlers.   Close, but no seegarra Morrocai.  If it were true, we would logically expect to find a huge crater, filled with the debris of a  living room, to commemorate the hard times of the last settlers. 

 

 Respectfully,

          Barry, The Great S

 

---------------

Dear Great Site,

 

          My wife and I  are planning to spend a few days in your lovely scenic area.  I have read that  the schools in your town need help with their studies in English.  How can we help?

 

Zalman and Zalmanella  Goldblast

Anncopp, Michigan

 

 

Dear Goldblast family,

 

We are delighted do hear of your impending visit.  What is unclear is your  offer to help with English as you are so obviously  from America.  Why can’t you stick with something easy and help them with their American?

 

We will happily put you in touch with our newest member of the   English Teaching pool, Ms Hava Ya’ari.  Ms Ya’ari, ex celebrity and convicted murderer, is teaching here on a voluntary basis.   The kids say she’s a real killer for discipline and they make darn sure that every assignment gets in on time!!

In addition to her language skills, she has had a great deal of experience with tourists and would be  most happy to meet you.   See you soon.

                              Barry, The Great S.


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