SITE FOR TOURISTS:
TIPS AND PITS, DO’S AND
FOR THE OVER WARY AND THE UNDER WARY
TOURISM QUESTIONS ANSWERED
By Barry Silverberg,
tourism correspondent, Kiriat Shmona
Last week my family and I stopped to picnic in your lovely city park. We couldn't help noticing a row of three
large metal enclosures not far from the playground and the toy Katyusha launcher.
We were really curious about what they could be.
It took almost an hour to get Peezmon’s head out from between the bars. She is almost back to her usual shape,
baruch Hashen, but she still bursts into teats anytime she sees an artichoke.
Shane and Lima Beena
Many tourists as well as local losers have
passed through the lawn adjacent to “Zahav City Park, ” more popularly called
“ The Jungle Park,” and have
wondered about these three metal cubical grids. They seem to have been lying their for years, untouched by
time. Sorry about your little
girl, by the way. May I suggest a few sessions
of treatment at the Artichoke Stress Prevention Centre the next time
you are in our area?
for your query, the prevailing theory among experts is that these are huge
antediluvian cages. In its early
days, Kiriat Shmona seems to have been inhabited by a race of immense hamsters.. The Arabs name for the town is Halsa, and when you drop the
‘L’ you can see why.
would explain why even today, hundreds of thousands of weeks later, local
creatures often find themselves overcome by a compulsion to run round and
round in circles, to dig burrows
deep underground, and to emit high piercing shrieks whenever a predator, such
as a camera crew or any representative of the Tax Department approaches their
territory. The entire area is often littered with droppings,
in addition to the “L” in the third sentence back. In fact, some of the most recent droppings have your name all
over them. Next time, Mac, please try to use the large plastic bags provided
in the picnic grounds.
This is not the only explanation, however.
Local adherents to the Ex- mayor, Mr. Propser Azran, claim that these
structures were in fact erected to commemorate the hard times of the first
settlers. Close, but no
seegarra Morrocai. If it were
true, we would logically expect to find a huge crater, filled with the debris
of a living room, to commemorate
the hard times of the last settlers.
Barry, The Great S
Dear Great Site,
My wife and I are planning
to spend a few days in your lovely scenic area.
I have read that the schools
in your town need help with their studies in English. How can we help?
and Zalmanella Goldblast
Dear Goldblast family,
We are delighted do hear of
your impending visit. What is
unclear is your offer to help
with English as you are so obviously from America. Why
can’t you stick with something easy and help them with their American?
We will happily put you in
touch with our newest member of the English Teaching
pool, Ms Hava Ya’ari. Ms Ya’ari,
ex celebrity and convicted murderer, is teaching here on a voluntary basis.
The kids say she’s a real killer for discipline and they make
darn sure that every assignment gets in on time!!
In addition to her language
skills, she has had a great deal of experience with tourists and would be most happy to meet you. See you soon.
Barry, The Great