I liked this ETAI form a lot and especially Alice Zohar's article on re-writing the Chanukah Story (pp. 29-31). I decided to try this out in class with the Pesach Story. Below you will find the handouts I used (completely based on Alice's handouts but changed to fit Pesach) and an example of a wonderful story two of my pupils wrote.

The Original Story

This story takes place a long time age. The Jews came to Egypt when Jacob took his family there. In Egypt, they grew larger in number. The king of Egypt, the Pharao, decided that it would be better to make the Jews his slaves. He forced them to do hard work. Later, he decided that all Jewish boys must be killed. He told his people to throw them into the river Nile.

Finally, one small boy, Mozes was saved by his mother. She put him in a basket in the river and he was found by the daughter of the Pharao who raised him. Mozes became the leader of the Jewish People when God told him that he will lead the Jews out of Egypt.

God brought 10 plagues on the Egyptians after which Pharao allowed Mozes to lead the Jews out of Egypt through the desert to Israel.

The Story Broken Down Into Elements

Setting: The story takes place a long time ago in Egypt. The Jews lived there after Jacob brought his family to Egypt.
Problem: One day, the king of Egypt, the Pharao, decided that the Jews should be his slaves. He forced them to do hard work. Later, he decided that all Jewish boys must be killed. He told his people to throw them into the river Nile.
Solution: Finally, one small boy, Mozes, is saved by his mother. She put him in a basket in the river and he was found by the daughter of the Pharao who raised him. Mozes became the leader of the Jewish People when God told him that he will lead the Jews out of Egypt. God brought 10 plagues on the Egyptians.
Result: Pharao allowed Mozes to lead the Jews out of Egypt through the desert to Israel.
Message: The story of Pesach is not only about something that happened a long time ago. It is about the importance of having our own country and being the servants of God, not of anyone else.

Worksheet with Outline and Connectors

Setting
When
Where This story took place….
Who

Problem One day….

Solution Finally,

Message The story of Pesach is not only about….
    It is about….

Correction Checklist

Does the story have….

• A clear setting saying when and where the story takes place
• A problem - what went wrong
• A solution to the problem
• A clear result saying what happened at the end
• A Pesach message saying what the story is really about
• Capital letters at the beginning of every sentence
• Periods at the end of every sentence
• Paragraphs - did you skip a line?

Example of a story:

The story of Passover in The “Lion King”.

The story takes part in Egyptian Jungle in 1995.
Mufasa (the good Pharao) reigned in peace and quiet, on the “Lion Kingdom”.

One day Mufasa died, and Skar (the bad pharao) took control on the “Lion Kingdom”.
Simba (Mozes) must run away from Skar to the dark forest in Median.
Then skar make all the animals his slaves.

Simba met Timon (Yitro) and Pumba (Zipora).
The old monkey, Rakik (G-D.) appeared to Simba and told him that his people in the Egyptian Jungle need him to save them from Skar.

Simba go back to the Jungle and beat him with 10 punches (plagues) and push him to the river Nile.
Simba became the “Lion King” of all the animals (Jews) and the Hyena (“EREVRAV”) too.
Simba climb to the “Tikva Mountain” (Har Sinai) and see Rakiki (G-D) face to face.

The message: “Bugs life” (The story of Purim) is better than “Lion King”.

THE WRITERS:
LIRON SHERMAN.
HAGAI BARCHAD.