|THE WORLD OF BLOOPER:
STUDENT GEMS COLLECTED BY BAGRUT MARKERS,
EDITED BARRY SILVERBERG SUMMER 08 MOWAIDE ALLEF
"Teenagers without girls is like a glass without water."
/anonymous examinee, D, summer 2008
This year, those faceless people who make the Bagrut exam finally did something right. They gave the D examinees a subject they could relate to: Describe something hard that you did. This opened the floodgates: The kids wrote from their hearts; and, as they connected with their past challenges, they forgot they were in a test and let go.
Kids wrote of facing hardship in schools, in sports, at home, and of course in matters of the heart. They dealt with economic hardship, nasty teachers, tough subjects, harsh schoolmates and personal tragedy. What examiner could not hold back a tear for the teenager who had to decide which parent he should live with after the divorce (he eventually got them to work things out and stay together), those who were evicted from their homes, the one who had to 'bury my uncle," or the one who wrote a prayer in Hebrew: "Dear examiner, I can't write English. Find mercy in your heart to give me a 56, no more!"
If only there could be prizes for the most moving, the most expressive, the best written - and the wildest contributions. There would be a top down effect on the whole system! -- Judy Steiner, please take note. There is a potential educational gold mine here!
Well, at least you and I get to share those inadvertent nuggets of fools gold, which appear due to faulty knowledge, carelessness, molestation of the dictionary, or just teenage quirkiness: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Bloopers of the Bagrut Summer, 2008.
A lot of things are difficult for young people trying things for the first time. Like baking a cake for example, for a friend's birthday:
This was hard because I did it all by myself. My sister bought the things, my friend Dorit mixed them and my Mom put it in the oven ...
This one wasted no time:
First, take six testicles ...
Most hard times happened in school. After all, that is where they spent most of their time. But school isn't for everyone.
Some people can to do much something, and some people can't to do it.
How can you succeed if you have a self image like this?:
It was difficult for me (to combine work and studies) because I student with "defect studies."
At the eleventh grade I figured my brain will not due ( !?)my brackets
I wanted t show to everybody I can be smart and I can do better ..
For a long time I showed everybody that I'm not smart and that I cannot do better.
One poor soul submitted a composition in six words: I don't know
I don't write
Last wek we had a test in Tanach. I don't know Hebrew much cause I am a repatrian from the Ukraine. So I needet to cheat before I get a pass great. I asked my friend if he can wrote to me a note with ansers . I finish a test but it was one more boy that don't knowed what to answer. The teacher found the note. I was coched.
And you deserve to be coched!
Can you figure out the Hebrew behind this one?
I was incoming to panice! The substance for the test was very difficult
Here's another bad start:
When I was expelled to junior high ...
Sometimes it is the English exam; this very one that is being written at this moment that is the hard thing the student is battling with. I think this is called a recursive function.
No wonder this student had trouble with his English Bagrut:
il was very difficult for me because I finished to study befor five years age ...
This one finds a novel method of relieving tension; I 'm glad I'm not in the next desk.
Even though it (the English bagrut) was difficult for me I grabbed my self in my hands ... this helped me to relax and do the test calm and peaceful ...
My gureds were gatting lower and lower
Every week I was a test.
School is full of surprises:
One day I was come t my class ad I see on the plate there is bagrut in history.
Who gets the blame?
My English teacher is a dab teacher.
But help is on the way:
My parents gave me attainment and auxiliary and in the end my tests was very toll.
A lot of kids struggled to get in shape, what with army and the stars of 'laredet begadol' looming ahead of them: After all, It's healthy to be in shape ...
(So here is the Blooper athletic team: the extreme cyclist:) as you imagine I hurtmyself many times, my legs are blue now.
(the runner) When were we run the bus stops and the dogs do they things. Also my eyes uncalm
(the dancer) I stop to dance because I go to burning school. My family helped my to go tburning a school and sepretate me.
(and the weight dropper) I decided to go on a diet. If I don't everybody wants to be my boyfriend.
. . . To lose weight I practiced in the jam I'm sure it helped.
More Assorted hardships:
The tattoo was difficult because my grandmother said if I do tattoo she don't want to see me anymore and I don't have another grandma ...
(witness to a robbery) The police aske if I saw the man and I started to cry it was my neiber, id did to the police man yes with my hade ...
... getting a job was difficult because ... I have to study and work in the same time.
Bt I working in the day and studying in the night. And the problem was solved.
Babysitting: I took care of some children… It was very difficult because the children were disjointed
. . . If anybody will lose his children in the future he can call me. It's a pleasure to help.
... Not to worry! When "she started to cry (I) managed to eat her before (my) parents arrived."
Rescuing a friend in the pool: her friend fainted and in spite of the student's "cough and tenderness" she grabbed her and swam back to shore. After they reached land again, the student writes "I passed away too!"
Among the hardest are the trials of love: This young woman had difficulty admitting her feelings for a good friend, until one evening. . .
... I felt what he felt during the Pashion kiss. I realized that he liked me too.
Many teens are confused by love:
... Before six years old when I was twelve years old ...
... I loved him and who loved me
A matchmaker can help: (I gave let my friend to go out with my sister; this is because I know them Both well and I knew it was a good match)... Unforchanly, hey didn't mach long.
Or an older person: ... My governess ask me if I want to come with her and learn how to do it, I say yes and I came with her all the time, something like 2 months ... it was difficult because it my first time but she help me control it and it was a ssuceas (is this a blooper or a scene from a banned 19th century novel?)
Many kids had to deal with separation:
... my father laft me and my mother ...
(this writer finds it hard to attend Grandmother's funeral ...) ... On the other hand the imagination tha my grandmother will stay ther forever make me sick
We all have to make tough choices: When I was 5 years old, mymom and my dad wanted to live in other city, and I wanted to stay in Eilat. It was very hard for me lived without my mom and dad and I was very miss them.
But for all teens, the time comes to grow up, put Bagrut behind them, and move on:
... In the end I go and do my fart in the army.
/Silverberg, Kiriat Shmona, Sept 2008